Lynchburg Business

Time for Assisted Living? How To Make the Right Decision for Your Loved One

Issue: August 2010 by Johanna Calfee in Inside The Magazine, Senior Services

No matter how many signs may be present or years you’ve had to prepare, making the decision to place a parent or loved one into assisted living is almost always a heart-wrenching one. Despite the numerous, excellent local facilities that exist for this purpose, the choice of putting a parent in such a home can still leave many guilt-stricken. But there are ways to help both parties make the transition smoothly and know when the time has come to make it.

“It’s a good time to come to an assisted living community when someone needs assistance with medication administration and/or one or more of the activities of daily living such as dressing, bathing, transferring, etc.,” Heather Pippen, Executive Director at Heritage Green Assisted Living in Lynchburg, said.

Early signs can also include balance issues and frequent falls, uneaten or spoiled food in the refrigerator, misplacing common items and weight loss. For those with parents who are aging, one of the best things you can do, according to Debbie Beamer, Executive Director at Bentley Commons of Lynchburg, is simply make it a priority to stop in regularly to check on the state of the parent’s home.

“Older children usually don’t live at home so they don’t know that something is off until they come home and there is evidence of falls, the house isn’t as clean or their parent’s hygiene has gone down,” she said.

Beamer recalls the story of a friend a few years ago who noticed that her grandmother was cooking gravy with an unusual ingredient—one that turned out to be a significant sign.

“Her nanny was putting green peppers in the gravy and insisting that she always made it like that, but she never had. Turns out, it was an early sign of dementia,” Beamer said. “Those are the things to watch for—misplacing keys, they can’t find their wallet, not recognizing their own things, especially if it’s something new they’ve received.”

Even once these kinds of signs are made obvious to children of elderly loved ones, that still doesn’t make their decision clear-cut. Beamer says that guilt is one of the biggest reasons people in these situations wait so long to place aging parents or loved ones in an assisted living facility. Because of this, she cautions that it’s best for families to take further action before making the final decision.

“First, they have to deal with their guilt, but I always suggest a good physical to rule out something medical going on,” she said. “Get the doctor to be the heavy so that way you can say, ‘Mom, remember you have to do this according to your doctor’s orders.’ If you can place that responsibility on the doctor, then they aren’t so angry when you show up to visit.”

Even after any underlying medical reasons are ruled out, there are often more steps to complete before a person can and should call an assisted living facility their new home, according to Pippen.

“A Universal Assessment Instrument as well as interview with the prospective resident is done to determine someone’s appropriateness for assisted living and the care they will need,” she said.

Once the decision is made to move a loved one into assisted living, it’s important to be mindful of your and your loved one’s expectations since each facility and community offers a slightly different environment, though each is typically designed to include the same basics in terms of care.

“Assisted living provides 24-hour supervision, meals, housekeeping, activities and more, depending on the community you choose,” Pippen said of the definition of assisted living, though the majority of local facilities offer many additional programs, social activities and recreational opportunities.

While the selection process can be a stressful time for adult children and elderly parents alike, it’s important for both to come to terms with the need for assisted living care. While guilt can certainly linger, as Beamer points out, not all elderly parents feel slighted by the decision to be placed in assisted living. In fact, some even welcome the change, according to Lisa Austin, a Registered Nurse and Assistant Administrator at The Summit in Lynchburg.

“At times, people themselves identify the need for help. They realize that they are not able to do things like they once could,” Austin said. “Although sometimes hesitant to admit the need for assistance, we see that most people often are relieved and feel safe in their new environment.”

Austin recommends several ways to help ease the transition from home to an assisted living facility, including:

• visiting the facility before moving in
• meeting residents that live at the facility
• decorating the resident’s room with their personal belongings and furniture
• orientation to the facility

As for the effects of this change on the children of those entering assisted living, Beamer stresses the need for communication—with the facility’s staff, the doctors and the loved one themselves. This can not only alleviate some of the worry and guilt they feel, but can also help them to form relationships with those who work most closely with their loved ones, so they can be in the know about what’s taking place there.

“You have to be involved in the care of the family member. … Don’t fall into the trap of hearing a parent [at an assisted living facility] say, ‘No one fed me last night. They didn’t give me my pills.’ What you often hear is not what is usually the case, so talk to the staff. They will know what’s really going on,” Beamer said.

Once the transition is made, Beamer, Pippen and Austin all agree that the majority of people settle quite well into assisted living, and often even find a new sense of freedom there, knowing that their needs are being met.

“When your loved one is not functioning at the highest possible level and not being as independent as possible,” Pippen said, “assisted living can help with this by partnering with them to assist in their care and other needs. “