Lynchburg Business

Pre-Planning for a Loved One: From Retirement to Funerals and Wills

Issue: April 2010 by Kimberly Feldkamp in Inside The Magazine, Senior Services

Let’s face it—it’s an unpleasant conversation. No one really wants to talk about growing older, and what happens when the Golden Years come to an end. How do you ask Dad what he wants when he’s gone? How do you decide who will take care of your kids if something would happen to you? How do you think about planning your own funeral? These are all tough questions to think about and to talk about, but they’re all necessary.

In the next 10 years, the senior population in the United States is expected to grow by 36 percent, according to the Social Security Administration, as the first baby boomers hit the age of 65. That means many people are ready to retire themselves, or know someone, especially a family member, who is close to it. It also means that this is the time that families need to be talking about the tough stuff and pre-planning for a loved one.

“It’s one of the greatest things you can do for your loved ones, but it’s difficult to think about your death,” John Saville, President and owner of Heritage Funeral Home & Crematory, said. “The hard part is to make that first step, but it relieves a big burden in tough times.”

So when and where do you get started?

For some, it starts with a new place to live, like state-of-the-art retirement communities. And these days, there are plenty to choose from. It all just depends on one’s style, preference and, of course, financial situation.

“We see people who are ready to downsize, but maybe aren’t ready to slow down yet,” Janna Bradley, the Marketing Director for The Summit, explained. “Most people seriously start thinking in their 70s that ‘this is where I need to be.’ ”

Communities here in Lynchburg like The Summit, Westminster Canterbury or Bentley Commons offer retirees endless options, from active, independent living in spacious, modern cottages or apartment homes, to assisted living or even advanced care, if needed.

“Our residents really get a continuum of care when they come here,” Bradley said, explaining that for residents in independent living, it’s all about services.

The Summit offers weekly transportation to the grocery store, shopping excursions, doctor’s appointments and church services. Plus there are activities like movie nights, prayer group and line dancing. Built on more than 143 sprawling acres, with miles of paved walking trails available, along with a lake, canoes and a boat dock for fishing, The Summit is located right in Wyndhurst, with plenty of shopping and restaurants nearby.

“Independent and assisted living really offers residents a sense of community. It’s about the socialization and companionship,” Bradley explained. “And when you talk to the residents about coming here, it’s so positive; the quality of their life really improves.”

But Bradley admits having that initial conversation with family members can be difficult.

“It’s hard. And when we talk to families, we want the potential residents to recognize that they need help. When they can come to that decision, on their own, and the light bulb goes on—that’s the way we like it,” she said.

Before you get to retirement age, however, there’s one thing you should have in place: a will. In fact, that should be set up long before you actually retire. Since a will directs what happens to your possessions when you die, attorney Sam Patel with the Patel & Dalrymple, PLLC, says anyone with children under 18 and/or any assets should have a will.

“It can complicate the lives of those you leave behind if you don’t formalize your wishes and what you want when you’re gone,” he said.

Patel explains that it’s not difficult to get started, but he does advise getting a lawyer to help with the process.

“This is not the type of thing to do yourself. We can help talk you through things,” he said. “Because, unfortunately with wills, you don’t realize mistakes until someone is already dead.”

The process is simple: you meet with a lawyer, get an idea of your assets and where you want your stuff to go, and then you draft a will. But this is not a “one and done” deal. Patel says you’ll want to update your will anytime there’s a significant life change, like the birth of a new child, or if someone gets married, or anytime you change assets.

Also, when someone dies, wills must be probated in court. Patel says this gives the court the time to publish the will (which becomes public record), gives creditors time to make claims and allows people to come forward to contest the will. It takes a year before anything really gets settled, and Patel says this can sometimes become quite expensive and really eat up the estate.

Another option is a trust, which costs more money up front, but doesn’t get probated, is not public record, and offers families more security and protection, since it can be tough to fight and contest, and because trusts can be crafted so that no one knows what someone else gets.

“Everyone with assets should do some type of estate planning,” Patel said. “It’s very irresponsible not to have a will, especially if you have minor children. But people don’t do it because they don’t want to think about their own mortality.”

Once the will is ready to go, you may even want to think about planning your own funeral.

“You really have an obligation to your family, to your survivors to do this,” Chris Tharp, owner of Tharp Funeral Home, said of the pre-planning process. “It’s not as complicated when you’re asked about what you want for yourself as it is when you’re asked about someone who isn’t here.”

“Pre-planning is important, simply because it helps reduce the burden on those left behind,” Saville explained. “You can pick and choose more wisely, and will save more money than when you are under duress.”

In fact, Tharp says you can save as much as 30 percent on your funeral costs simply by pre-planning.

“You won’t have all that emotional overspending,” he said.

And with the cost of funerals going up each year, it makes sense to plan and pay ahead of time, especially when you consider this: In Virginia, funeral homes only get 10 percent of the money you spend with the them, while the rest goes to insurance companies or into a trust when you pre-pay for a funeral.

Most funeral homes offer pre-planning, and many encourage it. It’s a simple process, once you get past the initial thought of planning your own funeral, Tharp says. Simply fill out some paperwork, answer a few questions, and give some thought into what you want. You can choose your casket or urn, whether you want to buried or cremated, and even the music played at your service.

“If you do it when you feel good, there’s no pressure. It gives you time to think about it, and then you get it over and done with and you can forget about it,” Tharp said.

Both Tharp and Saville say they go over the plans with family members when a loved one has died, and if anything needs to be changed, they can do it, but the big burden of answering the questions is already over.

“A lot of [people] are motivated to come see us after they’ve been to a friend’s funeral, or a close friend gets quite sick,” Tharp said. “Going to another service often spurns people to take action.”